142 days...

Only 2 more free days before I return to school to finish up my 2nd degree. I have survived 2 of the most brutal semesters academia has ever thrown at me. I fear this one will be the worst. Like always, I feel guilty for not trying as hard as I should have last semester, and have hope that this semester will be different; hope that I will leave my procrastinating ways behind me and work to my full potential.

I feel like I've started to grate on some people's nerves because they are aware of my level of dedication to my studies, yet make the same grades as I do despite being much more diligent. I suppose I understand why it makes them upset, but at the same time, I know that its not my fault that they are upset. I have become somewhat of a joke to a few of them; when they cram directly before a test and still succeed it has become known as "pulling a Heather." It would be nice to be known for something else, but until then i'll remain...infamous.

Its true that if I studied more, like I should, I doubt that school would be as hard as it has been the last 2 semesters. But 6 years of non-stop education has taken its toll, and it is so hard to focus on school when the prospect of starting my career is less than 4 months away. I guess its something like senioritis. Regardless, I still intend on working hard this semester. Hopefully, I can use some of my excitement about my future career and all the wonderful opportunities that will reveal themselves in the coming months to help direct my focus and keep me on track.

On another note, I'm still avoiding my father. He wants me to do something for him that I just don't have the money to do at the present time, but none the less, I still intend on doing. I just have to wait until the money is there, which shouldn't be too much longer. However, until then, I am avoiding his calls in hopes that I can get what he wants done before it becomes a major issue. I'm hoping to do this without having to withstand one of those conversations that makes me feel like I'm the worst daughter in the world, despite the fact that he only accepts the "dad" role when its convenient to him. Unlike my younger sister who has no reservations when it comes to putting her foot down or telling my father off, I have yet to find a way to do so without feeling guilty. So in a way, i'm trying to avoid the guilt by avoiding my father. *sighs* Its not working. [EDIT]: No longer avoiding my father.

Until next time...

P.S. No more Discovery Health Channel. All babies, all day long, makes Hev's emotions run amuck. Can ya tell?

P.P.S. The cop that hit me lied on the police report. He said he had his lights on, but he turned them on AFTER he hit me, but BEFORE the other cops arrived. I watched that fool turn them on! However, he's still admitting fault. I'm just hoping they don't try to say it was BOTH our faults. (i.e. his fault for not yielding right of way, and mine for not observing his lights.) If that happens, I'm ready to call out his lying, incompetent driving ass in court!