Green...

...with envy.

Ugh. My DP is involved with throwing a baby shower for her friend who is pregnant. This very same friend offered to throw our baby shower back in November. The girl didn't even start "planning" our shower unt a few days before. She rushed it, threw it together, barely decorated, and didn't really consult me on anything. Now she's preggo and my DP had to attend a meeting with the other shower planners! They are renting a hall, having food catered, etc. Her shower is going to be a huge deal. My DP is in charge of her invitations. They are inviting enough people to need to rent a hall! That's going to be expensive...especially with postage. I'm thinking $150-200. That's probably 2-3 times as much as what was spent on our shower! Our shower was hosted at our house, I bought our invitations (the girl offered to send them out, but didn't do that until 2 weeks before the shower even though I had them 2 months in advance), I cleaned, I found seating, and the ONE thing I really wanted (my beautiful cake) I didn't get. It seemed like our shower was an after thought. But my DP is going to go help blow the roof off this girl's shower??? Ugh...I admit it...I'm jealous. And it sucks. :-(

Body/Mind Conflict

First off, i know i haven't blogged here in a while. Our little family is doing well and C is such a joy. He is a big boy (28.5 inches and 20# as of last month) and he's beginning to be mobile. He does his own modified version of an army crawl...well up until he gets frustrated and rolls to whatever he wants. He can sit up unassisted...for a few seconds. Maybe a minute or two tops. He's a little behind on some things, but the PT he saw for his torticollis said he was a lazy baby and that he was showing signs of readiness for all his milestones. He babbles a ton and really studies his toys and the people he comes in contact with. Still no teeth, but that doesn't surprise my mother...i didn't get teeth until almost a year. He has a ton of interest in "real" food, but not in his formula. Since we switched to Neocate, his bowels are much happier, but he is not. He weaned himself way back on his formula, and will actually refuse bottles. I don't particularly like that. He loves being in water of any sort. He has an addictive laugh and loves anything electronic...particularly cell phones and laptops. He sleeps well. In his crib. Most of the time. He really enjoys co-sleeping, so if he's stirring/whining a lot at night, I'll just go get him and bring him to our bed. Daycare has really done a number on his immune system, which in turn has really done a number on MY immune system. Otherwise, I'm really enjoying my happy little guy.

HOWEVER, my hormones are going crazy. I really miss being pregnant. I felt great during pregnancy (if you don't count the surgery) and some of my "issues" resolved...only to come back full force after giving birth. For months I had "phantom movements" in my abdomen (probably gas) but it felt like when C was moving around inside my belly. *Cue a tinge of nostalgia and a big smiled sigh* It seems like my body wants to be preggo, because as soon as my period returned, they were more regular than than ever! All the "fertile signs" that i spent years training myself to notice/tracking religously are so predictable and like clock work. I'm telling you that if I called the sperm bank and scheduled shipment of my stored vials, I could be preggo in two weeks...i'm feeling pretty confident in knowing my body right now.

BUTTTTT...then i realize that mentally I'm not ready for another baby right now. I definitely have the desire and the ability...but i'm not at the right "place" right now to even start that process. I was so afraid that I just wouldn't be able to conceive the first time, that I didn't want to wait until everything was "perfect". Of course it would have been great if everything was perfect, but at the time, things were alright and we were at a place in our lives where adding a baby was finally possible. That's what I was looking for at the time...possible. Turns out it was very possible and we have little C and I couldn't be happier. Now that I know I can get preggo, i'm more inclined to wait until things are closer to perfect to try and conceive baby number two. Although, I don't want C and the new baby to be too far apart in age. Definitely less than the gap between my sister and I (6 years). Hopefully, things will be in place around the time C is 2. That would be ideal.

Work wise, things still suck. I'm not going to go on and on and complain about it, but I will say that i'm intending to start an intensive job search around October if my current employer doesn't persuade me to stay (monetarily). Work for DP also sucks. She may get realigned to another position or office location. I'm happy to know her job isn't on the line, but it makes plans to do anything more difficult when things with work are up in the air. If she moves, C will have to change daycares because DP drops him off. I would gladly drop him off, but then I'd have to find a daycare that I like that would allow me to drop off before 5 am. I think i'd have a pretty hard time finding that.

Meh. I just had to unload.

5 months...

Today C is 5 months old! He is such a good baby. He sleeps thru the night, altho he is still in our bed. I like him there, but he has started to roll during the night. He rolls from tummy to back and back to tummy with ease. He rolls in his swing, bouncer, boppy, etc. He is much stronger than we give him credit for. He'll hold our thumbs and we'll pull him up to sit, but lately he just goes right into a supported stand. He digs his toes into surfaces and scoots himself on his tummy. If he could support himself with his arms and get coordinated, he'd be crawling. We started some organic rice cereal a couple weeks ago. He thinks its the best thing ever and will grab the bowl/spoon and try to feed himself. DP and i disagree on when to start purees; i want to wait until 6 months but DP thinks that we should base it off his interest in food. Right now i think we are going to try to hold out....but i need to schmooze the wifey! We tried out a new home daycare situation, which would have been very convienient, but the lady decided she didn't want to take on another baby. I was very disappointed because I really want to get him out of the daycare, because he seems to always have a cold/virus. I cant really tell if his head is getting better. Some days he really has strong symptoms of his torticollis, and others he seems fine. I have noticed he is growing more hair on his flat spot, so it might be getting better. I want to get him a special breathable plagiocephaly pillow to sleep with, but they are a little pricey. Also i found a breathable crib mattress by secure.beginings. If i had the money and/or knew abou this before purchasing all C's nursery item...i would have bought one. They are expensive, but i feel its worth it. Sorry it's all one paragraph; all I have isn't iPhone at the moment.

M O M M Y + M A M A = M E

One year ago today...

...baby C was conceived. A big thanks to his donor and our sperm bank for giving us the ingredients to make such a wonderful little person!!!!

Quick update...

Well I have a few minutes while I wait for our take out to be ready to pick up, so I thought I'd give a quick update.

C is doing well. He went to daycare 3 days last week. It was very hard for DP to drop him off, and I was anxious all day to go pick him up. He doesn't seem to mind going and the daycare worker says he is a good baby.

I had some trouble with car seats. I needed one that would fit in the very sloped back seats of a sports car and nothing ended up fitting well. The best I could do was get another base for his infant seat. It is installed correctly, but let's just say I'm glad c only has to make short trips with me in that car.

He has come down with eczema. So another must have (and expensive) cream for him is CeraVe. It's working wonders, I'm just wondering if this is something we are going to have to battle for a long time.

He recently decided he was going to start projectile vomiting after meals. He does it once or twice a day for the last 3 days. I'm wondering if it's reflux or if u should be more worried. He seems fine, altho he has cut back a bit on the amount he's eating. He normally takes about 4-5 oz every 3-4 hours. We try feeding him more often but he just refuses. For the last 3 days he's only been eating 4 oz every 5-6 hours. His mood and demeanor seem unchanged, but I'm not sure exactly why his eating habits have changed?

Well, food is ready...more later!

Edited to add that he's been gaining weight and growing well. At his 2 month visit he weighed 11 pounds 15 oz and was 23.5 inches. Last week at the pedi he was 13 pounds 6 oz and nearly 24 inches.

DP is starting to get worried...looks like I'll be calling the pedi tomorrow.

2 month update...

C had his 2 month appt this week. He weighs 12 pounds and is 23.5 inches long. His bottom is looking better with desonide ointment and triple paste. It's still going to be an uphill battle, but at least diaper changes are more comfortable for him now. He goes in for his PT evaluation on Tuesday. He also has a referral to see a dermatologist for his toosh, but it'll be a while before he gets an appt. C finally outgrew his newborn clothes. He fits into 0-3 comfortably. He had 3 shots at this appt and barely shed a tear. He ran a low grade temp that night, but overall took it like a champ. He still doesn't sleep well through the night. He gets really fussy at about 9 or 10 pm and then is whiney until about 12 or 1 am. I have to go back to work on the 14th, which I'm really not looking forward to. He starts daycare on the 21st because grandma will watch him while she's off work for a week. I wonder how he will do at daycare. He is so used to having his needs met right away, and I just can't imagine him having to cry it out while the daycare worker has to deal with another baby. Hopefully he'll get more attention because he'll be new and will also be the youngest one there. Luckily, DP's work is close by so she'll be able to stop by anytime. I'm also pretty nervous about returning to work. I've been away from patient care since November. Hopefully, it's like riding a bike! Hope everyone else is doing well!