Body/Mind Conflict

First off, i know i haven't blogged here in a while. Our little family is doing well and C is such a joy. He is a big boy (28.5 inches and 20# as of last month) and he's beginning to be mobile. He does his own modified version of an army crawl...well up until he gets frustrated and rolls to whatever he wants. He can sit up unassisted...for a few seconds. Maybe a minute or two tops. He's a little behind on some things, but the PT he saw for his torticollis said he was a lazy baby and that he was showing signs of readiness for all his milestones. He babbles a ton and really studies his toys and the people he comes in contact with. Still no teeth, but that doesn't surprise my mother...i didn't get teeth until almost a year. He has a ton of interest in "real" food, but not in his formula. Since we switched to Neocate, his bowels are much happier, but he is not. He weaned himself way back on his formula, and will actually refuse bottles. I don't particularly like that. He loves being in water of any sort. He has an addictive laugh and loves anything electronic...particularly cell phones and laptops. He sleeps well. In his crib. Most of the time. He really enjoys co-sleeping, so if he's stirring/whining a lot at night, I'll just go get him and bring him to our bed. Daycare has really done a number on his immune system, which in turn has really done a number on MY immune system. Otherwise, I'm really enjoying my happy little guy.

HOWEVER, my hormones are going crazy. I really miss being pregnant. I felt great during pregnancy (if you don't count the surgery) and some of my "issues" resolved...only to come back full force after giving birth. For months I had "phantom movements" in my abdomen (probably gas) but it felt like when C was moving around inside my belly. *Cue a tinge of nostalgia and a big smiled sigh* It seems like my body wants to be preggo, because as soon as my period returned, they were more regular than than ever! All the "fertile signs" that i spent years training myself to notice/tracking religously are so predictable and like clock work. I'm telling you that if I called the sperm bank and scheduled shipment of my stored vials, I could be preggo in two weeks...i'm feeling pretty confident in knowing my body right now.

BUTTTTT...then i realize that mentally I'm not ready for another baby right now. I definitely have the desire and the ability...but i'm not at the right "place" right now to even start that process. I was so afraid that I just wouldn't be able to conceive the first time, that I didn't want to wait until everything was "perfect". Of course it would have been great if everything was perfect, but at the time, things were alright and we were at a place in our lives where adding a baby was finally possible. That's what I was looking for at the time...possible. Turns out it was very possible and we have little C and I couldn't be happier. Now that I know I can get preggo, i'm more inclined to wait until things are closer to perfect to try and conceive baby number two. Although, I don't want C and the new baby to be too far apart in age. Definitely less than the gap between my sister and I (6 years). Hopefully, things will be in place around the time C is 2. That would be ideal.

Work wise, things still suck. I'm not going to go on and on and complain about it, but I will say that i'm intending to start an intensive job search around October if my current employer doesn't persuade me to stay (monetarily). Work for DP also sucks. She may get realigned to another position or office location. I'm happy to know her job isn't on the line, but it makes plans to do anything more difficult when things with work are up in the air. If she moves, C will have to change daycares because DP drops him off. I would gladly drop him off, but then I'd have to find a daycare that I like that would allow me to drop off before 5 am. I think i'd have a pretty hard time finding that.

Meh. I just had to unload.