5 months...

Today C is 5 months old! He is such a good baby. He sleeps thru the night, altho he is still in our bed. I like him there, but he has started to roll during the night. He rolls from tummy to back and back to tummy with ease. He rolls in his swing, bouncer, boppy, etc. He is much stronger than we give him credit for. He'll hold our thumbs and we'll pull him up to sit, but lately he just goes right into a supported stand. He digs his toes into surfaces and scoots himself on his tummy. If he could support himself with his arms and get coordinated, he'd be crawling. We started some organic rice cereal a couple weeks ago. He thinks its the best thing ever and will grab the bowl/spoon and try to feed himself. DP and i disagree on when to start purees; i want to wait until 6 months but DP thinks that we should base it off his interest in food. Right now i think we are going to try to hold out....but i need to schmooze the wifey! We tried out a new home daycare situation, which would have been very convienient, but the lady decided she didn't want to take on another baby. I was very disappointed because I really want to get him out of the daycare, because he seems to always have a cold/virus. I cant really tell if his head is getting better. Some days he really has strong symptoms of his torticollis, and others he seems fine. I have noticed he is growing more hair on his flat spot, so it might be getting better. I want to get him a special breathable plagiocephaly pillow to sleep with, but they are a little pricey. Also i found a breathable crib mattress by secure.beginings. If i had the money and/or knew abou this before purchasing all C's nursery item...i would have bought one. They are expensive, but i feel its worth it. Sorry it's all one paragraph; all I have isn't iPhone at the moment.

M O M M Y + M A M A = M E

One year ago today...

...baby C was conceived. A big thanks to his donor and our sperm bank for giving us the ingredients to make such a wonderful little person!!!!

Quick update...

Well I have a few minutes while I wait for our take out to be ready to pick up, so I thought I'd give a quick update.

C is doing well. He went to daycare 3 days last week. It was very hard for DP to drop him off, and I was anxious all day to go pick him up. He doesn't seem to mind going and the daycare worker says he is a good baby.

I had some trouble with car seats. I needed one that would fit in the very sloped back seats of a sports car and nothing ended up fitting well. The best I could do was get another base for his infant seat. It is installed correctly, but let's just say I'm glad c only has to make short trips with me in that car.

He has come down with eczema. So another must have (and expensive) cream for him is CeraVe. It's working wonders, I'm just wondering if this is something we are going to have to battle for a long time.

He recently decided he was going to start projectile vomiting after meals. He does it once or twice a day for the last 3 days. I'm wondering if it's reflux or if u should be more worried. He seems fine, altho he has cut back a bit on the amount he's eating. He normally takes about 4-5 oz every 3-4 hours. We try feeding him more often but he just refuses. For the last 3 days he's only been eating 4 oz every 5-6 hours. His mood and demeanor seem unchanged, but I'm not sure exactly why his eating habits have changed?

Well, food is ready...more later!

Edited to add that he's been gaining weight and growing well. At his 2 month visit he weighed 11 pounds 15 oz and was 23.5 inches. Last week at the pedi he was 13 pounds 6 oz and nearly 24 inches.

DP is starting to get worried...looks like I'll be calling the pedi tomorrow.

2 month update...

C had his 2 month appt this week. He weighs 12 pounds and is 23.5 inches long. His bottom is looking better with desonide ointment and triple paste. It's still going to be an uphill battle, but at least diaper changes are more comfortable for him now. He goes in for his PT evaluation on Tuesday. He also has a referral to see a dermatologist for his toosh, but it'll be a while before he gets an appt. C finally outgrew his newborn clothes. He fits into 0-3 comfortably. He had 3 shots at this appt and barely shed a tear. He ran a low grade temp that night, but overall took it like a champ. He still doesn't sleep well through the night. He gets really fussy at about 9 or 10 pm and then is whiney until about 12 or 1 am. I have to go back to work on the 14th, which I'm really not looking forward to. He starts daycare on the 21st because grandma will watch him while she's off work for a week. I wonder how he will do at daycare. He is so used to having his needs met right away, and I just can't imagine him having to cry it out while the daycare worker has to deal with another baby. Hopefully he'll get more attention because he'll be new and will also be the youngest one there. Luckily, DP's work is close by so she'll be able to stop by anytime. I'm also pretty nervous about returning to work. I've been away from patient care since November. Hopefully, it's like riding a bike! Hope everyone else is doing well!

Just a little "post-partum"

So, I'm admitting (and seeking help for) PPD. I haven't wanted to admit that my emotional instability could be PPD for a few weeks now, but even I'm starting to realize this is something more than the baby blues.

I've had a ton on my plate starting from the very beginning of pregnancy. First my progesterone was low so I was on supplements to support the pregnancy until 13 weeks. Then I had surgery to remove a soccer ball sized cyst from my right ovary at 18 weeks. I was out of work for 6 weeks for that procedure. Then I had elevated blood pressure and was put on light duty in November until delivery.

So I knew, without a doubt, that things would be more stressful once baby boy arrived. Duh. But, once again I was bombarded with all these unexpected hurdles. I make no milk. C lost almost a pound in 4 days and became jaundice due to lack of nutrition. I have to formula/bottle feed. Not happy. He has a milk protien allergy and is put on nutramigen. Okay fine. In order to give him ANY of my ever-dwindling breastmilk I had to remove all dairy from my diet. Look it up, it sucks. However, since he's been on special formula he has had the diaper rash from hell...yes we are still fighting it. I think it's formula related due to timing and his pedi just keeps treating for yeast. I'm putting my foot down next visit. That'd be visit number 8 in 7 weeks. He has a mild form of torticollis which causes his head to stay to the right. However, his hips point right too so I'm still trying to get answers from the pedi about that.

My health is shit. 2 weeks ago I went to the ER with chest pain that was terrible and scared me to death. They said I had pleurisy. 4 days after that, I'm back in the ER puking my guts out and with abdominal pain that was so bad I couldn't stand up. Turns out pleurisy was a misdiagnosis, and the chest pain was actually pain radiating from my badly inflammed pancreatitis and multiple gallstones. So a week in the hospital on a starvation diet until my pancreas had calmed down enough to have yet another abdominal surgery.

So on top of all that, I've been having overwhelming feelings of guilt due to C's conditions...I feel like I jacked him up in utero. Then I feel like if I could breastfeed, he wouldn't be suffering from this rash. I mean he screams like we are beating him at every diaper change. The whole breastfeeding thing really has me torn up. Baby boy enjoys it and it's so calming for him, but at this point I'm little more than a milk flavored pacifier.

So after a heart to heart with my beloved OB, I'm now starting anti-depressants and possibly counseling. I feel defeated...but I don't know what else to do.

In my 2 weeks of experience...

I wanted to share some of the things that I wish I knew/had prior to bringing C home. Also, a couple of tips that might help someone else along the way.

*If you think you may be pumping, buy as many extra shields/flanges that you can afford. I hate washing/sterilizing pump parts. I know have 4 sets, and plan to add to this collection.

*Same goes for bottles. If you find a bottle your LO uses well/likes, buy a bunch. Washing/sterilizing...not fun. I think we have 10+ Dr. Brown in just the 4 oz size!

*Don't get stuck on a specific brand. We really wanted C to only use organic cotton disposable diapers before we made the move to cloth after belly button stump falls off. Well, C just pees right out of them! We were changing diapers/bedding/outfits/blankets like every 15 minutes. We went out and bought the pampers swaddlers that they used on him in the hospital, and while they don't prevent all leaks, they are much better.

*We didn't have any receiving blankets, other than the ones we stole from the hospital. Those swaddle blankets/sacks just won't cut it and they are so much more expensive. We have like 10 flannel receiving blankets now. Big fan here.

*No scratch mittens. The gerber kind suck. The first years and parents choice kind are made better than gerber, but the elastic around the wrist is too loose for the to effectively stay on. The best mittens we have were given to us by the hospital nursery. Had I known it'd be such a hassle to find decent ones outside of the hospital, I would have requested at least another pair. Our boy loves his hands; we call them his "best friends." He's constantly pulling at his hair, scratching his face, poking himself in the eye, etc. We trim his nails, but that doesn't stop everything. So mittens for him are a must. (if anyone knows of a decent brand that will actually stay on a newborn, let me know.)

*C was 7 pounds 2 oz at birth and lost 11oz by 4 days (due to my milk supply being low). He is already 21 inches long and has since gained weight and is above his birth weight. However, he doesn't fit into newborn anything!! We will put him in newborn creepers, but even those swallow him up. We received a creeper set made by carter's called "precious firsts". It is sold at target. When we first saw them we laughed and thought how tiny they were and that our child would surely not fit into them. Well, they are the only thing that fits him. The line doesn't have a lot of selection, but we bought everything we could find. C is probably pushing 8 pounds now, and these outfits are STILL the only thing that fits well. So if you LO could fit in preemie clothes if not for length like our son, u might wanna check this brand out.

*My little lamb bouncer. Love it. The swing...C really hasn't taken too.

*Wipe warmer. Great concept, epic fail. The wipes go cold 10 seconds after removing them from the warmer. They don't hold enough wipes. It seems to dry out the wipes. It's too bulky for the changing area.

*C is having wicked bad poops right now. We're monitoring to see if he has a milk protien allergy. All that poop led to a red, chapped, at one point cracked/bleeding little toosh. We tried desitin, butt pastes, lanolin, and eventually original A&D. The A&D has done a great job of creating a barrier, and his bum is looking 100% better.

*For little boys with circumcisions; Vaseline in the squeeze tube. One handed application is necessary to help prevent pee accidents. Minimizes prolonged exposure, less time for him to give anyone (including himself) a squirt.

*Snuggle nest sleeper. This is what we are currently using in the bed with us. It is portable, light, has a hard shell covered with soft/plush fabric, it has a little mattress and sleep positioned, and even a little light (although it's very dim as to not wake baby). C is only inches away from me when he sleeps, and DP doesn't feel like she's going to roll over on him. We got ours new at a consignment shop for $17. Definitely worth it!

That's it for now; I'm sure I'll add more later.