5 days...

So I've had a lot on my mind lately...

I'll start with the most trivial and work my way up the seriousness ladder:

1. I need new techniques (that work) to stop puppy nipping. Kota thinks hands and feet are toys. He is pretty good when he's calm, but when he first gets out of his crate or when we come see him after a little while alone, he gets really excited and forgets he's not supposed to nip. We have tried the "yelp and ignore" technique, telling him "no bite" when he nips and then removing the hand/foot/object from biting range, and we've tried keeping a toy handy to put in his mouth when he's excited and likely to nip. However, after seeing some initial progress...he hasn't progressed too much. This has to be his least favorable quality.

2. Dakota surprised us with a "pee/poop free house" this weekend. We got him on a pretty regular schedule where he went out pretty much every hour to hour and a half. No mistakes in the house for 2 days, and only 1 mistake on Saturday. Then today, although different from the weekend, he decides he should poop inside just a few minutes after I took him outside. I told him "no" and pointed out the poop and placed him in his crate while I cleaned it up. Then I took him straight outside where he tinkled twice. I played with him for a while, and then went in my room to check my "stuff" online, and after about 30 minutes came back to check on him. I was welcomed with a FRIGGIN' HUGE puddle of piss. He used to ring the poochie bells to at least let us know that he had to go, even if he didn't give us enough warning to get there in time to take him out. Now he seems to have forgot about the bells, and just does his business quietly and then barks at it until we come to clean it up. I guess I'm frustrated because it seems like he took a step forward and then 2 steps back. *sighs* I'm still being patient with him, although if I didn't get a chance to express myself here I might pull some hair out.

3. I am getting very frustrated about not having a job. I was not cut out to be a housewife. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being lazy, and I thought I'd relish in the time I get to spend loafing around before getting into a stressful job, but (after that long run on sentence) I find myself having nothing to look forward too. I don't have a goal...and I've always had a goal...and I guess I'm left feeling a little (lot) lost. Starting June 1st I'm starting hard core study sessions for NCLEX. I'd begin now, but I'd honestly forget all the new stuff I'm learning. I need to study closer to the test in order to retain the info. (I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but after getting thru high school, college, and nursing school being a procrastinator...it just doesn't "work" if i study early. Honest.) I've filled out about 8 applications in the last week, and probably about 20 total, and I've only heard from 1...and that was a formal rejection. I've even been flirting with the idea of applying to open positions in other cities. I'd have to make arrangements to have my shifts go back to back so I'd be done in 3 days and be able to come back home for 4. Its not something I want to do, but it's beginning to be something I might be willing to do. Altho, I'm sure Amber would hate the idea. Jobs for new grads seem abundant in other cities (Austin, San Antonio, Dallas) but the job market has been hit hard here in the Houston area.

4. This is my "baby blog." The thing that I created to chronicle my journey to motherhood. As the countdown on my blog and in all the subject lines suggests, the original "start date" for TTC is in a mere 5 days. Five days. *sighs* I will not be starting that process next month. Nor the month after. Probably not the month after that either. One major hold up is me not having a job. I've always promised myself and Amz that we'd both be comfortable in our careers before we try to bring a baby into the world, and I only think that's fair. Even tho I know I'm having difficulty finding a job at the moment, I totally think I'll find one before the summer is thru. So you may ask why don't we start after the summer? Well...I'd love to. But Amber and I have talked and she feels that there are things that she wants to experience before having the responsibility of a child. She wants to travel. She wants to be able to go out and have fun. She wants to not worry about money for a while, before we take on more debt in order to get pregnant. We both want to get healthier and we both want to find a better living arrangement before TTC. I completely understand her wants and she deserves to have those things. I have to admit, and its no secret to Amber, that I am a little crushed. I'm ready now. I've been ready for a long time. I agree that we should try to make conditions for TTC as favorable as possible, but I am scared that if we wait "for the perfect time" we will never have a child...and the thought of not ever being a mother makes me feel dead inside. So...all that being said...I have reluctantly given her UP TO a year from June 1st to have her experiences/fun. During that year I'm going to focus on getting healthy, making those TTC conditions as favorable as humanly possible, getting a job, paying down student loan debt, and focusing on my relationship with my wife. So instead of being pregnant these next 40 weeks (starting on June 1st), I am beginning what I call a reverse pregnancy. I will take the belly that I already have and reduce it, I will take the debt I already have and reduce it, I will take this time to prepare for motherhood in another way. I already know so much about the TTC process...i know about OPKs, FSH tests, fertility monitors, temping, fertility friend, insemination timing, ovulation pains, hormones, questions to ask the OB/RE, gay friendly OB/RE in the Houston area, cryobanks, dewars, sperm counts, and so much more. I now have to prepare my body and my relationship for motherhood. So if you've actually read this far (as I seriously doubt most will, cuz I'm sure I've rambled so long your scroll bar is tired) after I count down the next 5 days...a new count down will begin. 40 weeks.