I wonder what it feels like...

...to buy 12 vials of babyjuice? Well...I'll tell you later this week! But, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that i think it will feel exciting! I think I'll feel a sense of security since we'll have 6 definite attempts at getting preggo. I also think it'll feel kind of nerve racking since we've never done an AI before, and I hope we get the timing down. I've also never dropped so much money on such a "risky" investment, although I'd risk much more than money in order to fulfill my dreams of becoming a mother.

I think after 3 or 4 attempts (here's to hoping it doesn't come to that) we'll get some more testing done and get the docs involved more. But we're starting from home. We've picked out a handful of acceptable donors. In case y'all were wondering, we chose based on healthy BMI, height over 5'5", any hair color besides black (doesn't run in our families), caucasian, CMV negative status, positive pregnancy report, any eye color, and fairly healthy family backgrounds (we tried to stay away from those that reported cancer/heart disease within the last 3 generations). We didn't want to get too picky as far as hobbies, interests, etc. because we didn't want to narrow our list too much or pick a "favorite" and feel disappointed when he wasn't available.

Amz and I have been "picking things out" and placing them on a saved word document entitled "peanut." Right now it's only dreaming, but we've got all the essentials picked out already with the approximate price so we can start saving. I am so excited to get started. I feel so nervous, although I know I've been preparing for this for years. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I just never have...and I'm finally getting to start...FINALLY! Please keep your positive thoughts with me, and send me all the babydust you can!

FFF

Fickle.Fertility.Friend! It gave me my crosshairs back today, saying that I ovulated on the 21st. I think I "O" very soon after positive OPK. Maybe that's why I've never gotten a positive before, but this month I POAS as often as I could...maybe 3-4 times a day! I went through 2 twenty packs of First Response. Clomid is sitting on my counter. I should get my period probably this weekend. Hopefully 50mg Clomid is all I need!

Yay meds!

I go to pick up my clomid tomorrow. My periods are still fairly irregular and my BBT charts don't reliably show an ovulatory pattern. I didn't get my crosshairs on FF this month, although this was the first month...EVER...that I got a positive OPK. I saw a temperature drop on CD 19-21, but then a huge spike on CD 22. I got my positive OPK on CD 21, and watched it slowly fade out until CD 24. FF gave me crosshairs initially, saying I ovulated somewhere between CD 21 and CD 22. But then my temps dipped under the cover line for 2 days and they are back up again. So FF now says I didn't ovulate. *shrugs* So, clomid next month. Yup.

My body works!

For the first time ever I peed on a stick and saw a positive result. I want to repeat that over and over again! It was just an OPK this time, but hell...next time it could be a HPT!

When Peanut Comes...

Yes, I know it may be a little early to talk about what i wanna do concerning child care and returning to work after childbirth, but I can't help but dream, eh? Here's what I was thinking.

As a nurse, I'm offered a lot of flexibility about shifts/schedules. I also love working with kids. I think the only reason I wouldn't make a good pedi nurse is because I would be so distraught over the poor kids, that I wouldn't last long there. However, since forever, I've always worked with kids. I babysat through high school, my first "real" job was as a lifeguard (where I loved teaching the lil ones how to swim and watching/participating in water babies), I was a kid's N action instructor (akin to gyboree and little gym), I substitute taught in an elementary, and then right before nursing school I was a full time tutor at an elementary. I "click" with kids...especially those under the age of 10. My favorite years: birth-4 years. So...I was thinking...how can I be a nurse and make decent money while also working with kids out side of the health care environment?

I would like to have a small in-home daycare/nannying gig for one or two other babies (allowing me to also stay at home with my child) where I focus on all the things that I would hope a daycare/nanny would do for my kid. I would support cloth diapering, incorporate baby signing, stimulate motor/sensory functions, take them to the "tot spot" at the children's museum, take them to the zoo, my baby can read, organic/homemade baby foods, encourage breast feeding/feeding of breast milk, keep stringent "mommy logs" detailing daily activities, and just shower babies with love and warmth all day (or at least until 6 PM). I'd do this M-F from 4 am (i'm up early anyway) - 6 pm, and then spend the evenings with my little family. On weekends, I'd find a part time thing @ an area hospital and work 16-24 hours on the weekend as a nurse. If i did this it would minimize the financial strain on my family, solve my daycare needs, and ensure that my baby was taken care of by one of it's mother's at all times.

If it works out the way I'm thinking, I'll be a SAHM 5 days a week and a nurse 2 days a week. I'll see my wifey every weeknight, and still be able to pull in a decent salary. I'd like to continue this for AT LEAST the baby's first year, but if I like it, I wouldn't mind making this a more permanent thing. I can ALWAYS go back to nursing full time. I can't get baby's first years back once they're gone.

So...what do y'all think?

Boo.

Well our first (and last) experience with known donor sperm was not a good one. Back to our original plan. I'm printing NW paperwork tonight. Maybe I can find a fax and send it in today. Probably won't be doing any insems this month, but next month...maybe next month.

And so it begins...

After over a year of having this journal, I actually have something to write about.

We are meeting with our potential donor on Tuesday! Hopefully our first insemination will be on March 13th or 14th. I'm hoping to insem on the 13th-16th, which would be CD 17 - 20. I usually O on CD 18/19. Now, that is based on temping and CM changes. OPKs get really close to positive, but still no true positive...yes even with smileys. Next month we'll be adding clomid to the mix if this month isn't successful.

Cross your fingers that we experience a little beginner's luck!

Let the nervousness and excitement begin!